Crack, I loved you at first bite

Well you know, I guess I have always kind of believed people who said they did drugs and were hooked for life to an extent. I am been now convinced. I am a believer. Sweet Jesus, I had my first little trip into 5 Guys (aka my new drug dealer). We will start with the entrance. I love the low budget look, the smell of grease, and the chaotic noise. I love how the interior decorating is nothing but a shameless art collection of glowing reviews from around the U.S. and they have their own Idaho delicious potatoes.

I order. I love all the choices (free of charge I might add) I can get on this burger. As a mayo and mustard hater, I appreciate BBQ and hot sauce offerings to the taste gods. Jalapenos never hurt either. I love watching these people work. I love seeing CRISPY FRESH FRIED bacon (I hate soggy Wendy’s bacon and BK is even worse). They are efficient and the french fry smell makes me happy. I wait as my number gets closer and they add my fries into my bag only to dump more in the bag. JACKPOT. I am in love and I haven’t even eaten one.

I am taking this order to go. I appreciate the fact there is to go ramekins that I can fill with ketchup. I love ketchup and I am lazy and do not like having to use those packs (and I think it tastes kind of gross). I practically skip out of this store and mentally celebrate the fact that I am only a mile and half from home.

Barely in the car, I have my first fry. You know the When Harry Met Sally orgasm act, well that was my french fry experience. I love french fries. I really love these french fries. Salted just right. I would wallpaper my house in french fry review too if I created these devils. Burger was equally delicious. They don’t go Jewish on any of the ingredients. Why date one guy when you can have 5 that you can easily crave and want to be around everyday?

It is all about Eve

Soooo I am having a Tim Tebow uninsprired Biblical moment and giving Genesis a shout out. It is indeed all about you Eve. In the beginning God created man and woman. Then woman fed him an apple and fucked us all in return. I resent you more and more with each year and all I have to look forward to will just get worse. Yeah that is right now I get to bleed 3-5 days a week just so I can have a kid. I got to tell you, that was one royal fuck up. (Not to mention one a year field trips to the vag doctor. You just haven’t lived until you have thrown your legs up into those things)

Apples, while yummy have got nothing on a french fry. Had you screwed my over for some delicious fried or triple chocolate thing I might forgive you. As it is, I DON’T. In fact the only reason I eat/crave fucking french fries and gain 5-7 pounds of “water weight” is probably due to a period created by an apple. So actually strike that yummy apple sentence, because I am also beginning to resent apples as I type this.

So what brings this on dare you ask? Well I am normally sane and not the crazy girl, but I really hate when hormones betray my body. It really ruins my credibility when I am tactfully getting my point across about something that I am super angry about and I start crying. WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!! I can’t even tactfully chew Comcast out because I break down in tears. They need a come to Jesus speech much more than you and Adam needed an Apple.

Oh yeah and menopause...And all I got to say about that is I am glad I live 3 states away from my mother.